the definition

shake some action

2011-12-15T09:53:00.002+08:00

i guess this is what i need to do. it has been awhile since i do anything productive. i've been moping for whatever reason that doen't really to bother anyway. i've been in this state of mind for awhile now and i need to get out of here. i need to stop moping. i need to let it go.

museless

2011-06-08T12:58:00.000+08:00

i am.
museless.
i got no muse.
so, i am museless.

the fall

2011-04-28T23:25:00.002+08:00

i fell again.
not like before.
before, someone trip me.
unexpectedly.

i've just notice blood driping from my temple.
i try to pull myself up, but i can't.
right now, i don't think that i can't.
i guess, deep down, i feel like i just want to lie here.
in my own pool of blood.
i feel like i need to, for once, acknowledge the pain.
for once, i need to not let it go.

still here...

2011-04-01T12:11:00.002+08:00

all this time, i've been silent. i was within myself. trying to understand all the questions and somehow come out with all the answers. in time, i notice all the opportunities, the friendship, relationship, health and wealth pass me by. somehow, regret keep trying to smash the wall of my self conscious but somehow, i manage to gather all my strength to make sure that's never happen.

yes. i've been silent but that does not mean i've lost my voice. i choose to hold my tongue and open my eyes. i keep depriving myself on giving and stating my opinion so that i can really understand what is everyone that was close to me is trying to say and as this moment, i understand clearly.

want & need

2011-01-29T00:19:00.000+08:00

what i want is what i need.

different or the same meaning?

2010-11-22T13:12:00.008+08:00

at the end of Romeo and Juliet (written by William Shakespeare)
romeo enter the churchyard and paris is waiting for him.
he open the the tomb and found out that juliet is lying there breathless.
the love of his life is no more.paris blame him for his cousin death and they fight.
paris is defeated and die.

romeo rest his body close to juliet.he try to make sense of everything that have happen
and then he drink the poison and said...

"O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die"

he kiss juliet lips and then he drop dead beside juliet.

Friar Laurence enter the room and shock to find paris, dead and romeo lifeless body beside juliet.

juliet awakes.

she realize that romeo is lying lifeless beside her.

friar laurence try to pursued her to leave as a noise that indicates page and the watchman is coming is getting louder and louder but she don't want to leave.
she said...

"yea, noise? then i'll be brief. O happy dagger!"
she snatch romeo dagger
"this is thy sheath"
she stab herself
"there rust and let me die"
she falls on romeo body and dies.

it is sad...right?

juliet wakes up and realize that romeo, the love of her life is lying lifeless beside her.

that is a sad situation.

Shakespeare manage to create the greatest love tragedy that ever been written. it is perfect. the idea of star crossed lovers, teenage reckless and stupidity and the ending that somehow hinting about the reality that true love is either real or absurd.

then came along Buzz Luhrmann.

Luhrman manage to take the already perfect script and somehow inject it with his interpertation of how the situation suppose to happen.

in luhrman script, romeo enter the chapel and found out juliet is lying breathless on the altar.
he try to make sense of everything that happen and try to revive her by kissing her but he so overwhelm with the fact the she is no longer with him, he didn't notice that juliet fingers is starting to move. luhrman manage to instill the idea that romeo affection for juliet somehow awakes her from her deep sleep. with the same text use by Shakespeare, romeo
held juliet in his arm while he said...

"eyes, look your last.
arms, takes your last embrace and lips,
o you. the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss..."

ever so slightly, juliet hand moves and still, romeo didn't notice it.

"a dateless bargain to engrossing death"

romeo drinks from the vial and he convulses and falls. he resting his head on juliet

"O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick"

at that precise moment, romeo can see that juliet is opening her eyes. he suck the last few breaths of life into his lungs and then no more. through a blurry consciousness, juliet aware of romeo. juliet said...

"oh romeo. what's here?

forcing herself up, she cradles romeo head in he arms. romeo's clear wide eyes stare back, he is completely still but for the sound of weak breaths desperately drawn across his motionless lips.

she notice the vial and start to kiss romeo lips as if she want to suck the poison for herself. to no avail, with a heart broken voice she whisper...

"thy lips are warm"

desperately they try to cling to each other and with all his desire to stay alive, romeo whispers:

"thus with a kiss i die"

there is no breath. he is still. silence. sobbing, juliet hugs the lifeless romeo.

"romeo. O my true love romeo"

she takes the gun from romeo hand and shot her head off.

in Shakespeare version, romeo dies and then juliet awakes and realize that romeo is dead and kill herself. in luhrmann version, after romeo drinks the poison, he realize that juliet is not dead, manage to whisper his last words and die in her arm. juliet who just awakes from her deep sleep manage to witness the love of her life die slowly in front of her.

Shakespeare still manage to keep the idea that what happen at the end for romoe and juliet is what suppose to happen to them. some people didn't like the idea but it just the matter of acceptance. they die at the end signify that the idea of true love die with them while luhrman try to make sure that what have happen to them is unjust and can be avoid. he give them a little space so that somehow they can say they goodbyes and in reality that is just unrealistic.

i like what luhrmann done with the story. he manage to make it his own. it's fresh and more cunning.

it is as if he try to re-create a new meaning to the statement " i don't love you anymore" and give it a real meaning for the words by saying " i don't want to love you anymore". it suppose to carry the same meaning but it is not. good effort though...

evoke.

2010-10-31T23:43:00.002+08:00

it suppose to make you feels...something.
something good, bad or whatever.
it suppose to make you wonder...
about things that matters to you.
it suppose to make you think...

interes-ting

2010-10-10T21:33:00.006+08:00

You go out
and you meet people.
People you knew.
People you recognize.
You go out
and you meet you friends.

Once in awhile,
You meet somebody new.
New people.
I believe that
you can categorize the new people you meet
into a few specific type/kind of people/person.

Type 1
-'Hi/Hello' type of people
This type of person is the type you say hi and they
say hi back and that's it. There's no follow up
question or query or anything. They just smile and
say hi. That's it. They got no interest to be in
a conversation with you.

Type 2
-'How you doing?' type of people
Typically, there usually two reason for that question.
The first one is they really what to know how you doing.
The 2nd one is that the question is just an opening to a
story about what are they doing. Usually, it's about
something that suppose to amaze us. If the balance of the
conversation is equal which mean the question and the answer
came both ways, then that's great but if it's not, then you
Just meet someone who love to talk about themselves. You
should just sit there and listening to their story and
maybe interrupt the conversation by asking the right question
but just make sure don't interrupt their train of thought
because you gonna have to listen to the repeat version of
whatever story their trying to tell you.

Type 3
-'sitting silently and laugh occasionally' type of people.
This type can be mistaken as a shy type. Some of them are but
a few of them is a good listener. They just sitting there and
observing people by the way they talk. From their observation,
they can seem to sizing people up. Some of them a good at it.
Some of them just sitting there silently because they can't seem
to relate to whatever the conversation is all about. This type of
people usually remember you as they way they see you in the
conversation. Some of them can be a good person to talk to and some
of them can be the 'Hi' type of people if you ever meet them again.

Type 4
-'I feel like I knew you for years' type of people.
This kind is not a dime in a dozen kind of people. You can consider
yourself lucky if you came across this type of people. Somehow, you
establish an instant connection with them. You can talk easy and
freely and somehow you feel comfortable talking to them. This type
of people can easily be your friends and someone you can really trust
or maybe they can be someone that you can have long and memorable friendship.

I'm sure there's a few more type of people in this category
but I think this is what I can come out rite now. I'm not sure what
is it about meeting new people that make me kinda excited.
Maybe it's the interesting conversation and the fact that
I'm discovering something new that makes me looking forward
to go out and meeting people.

beauty... is in the eye of beholder.

2010-10-10T00:27:00.008+08:00

What is it about beautiful girls that intimidate us guys?
interrupt ourconversation, losing our train of thought.
make we want to whistle and cat calling.
honking and somehow make a complete fool of ourselves.
what is it?

is it because the idea of having a beautiful girls on our side is so far fetch that guys like me can't really think of anything except doing all that lame ass, stupid, typical stuff?
or
is it because that just the way guy react when there's a beautiful girls was around.

i think the reason why we keep doing that lame ass, stupid, typical stuff is because somehow, sometimes, we can see a typical looking kinda guy were going out with some beautiful girls and that make we think maybe... that stuff do works...sometimes.

George O'Hearn: Beautiful women are invisible.
David Kepesh: Invisible? What the hell does that mean? Invisible? They jump out at you. A beautiful woman, she stands out. She stands apart. You can't miss her.
George O'Hearn: But we never actually see the person. We see the beautiful shell. We're blocked by the beauty barrier. Yeah, we're so dazzled by the outside that we never make it inside. -Elegy

do you:

2010-10-09T15:13:00.004+08:00

Imagine that you are at home.
on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
you just finish your lunch...
and you are on the sofa,
taking your sweet time...
and you got nothing important that you need to do.
you just chillin.

but then,
someone you know,
someone close to you come in
and say "you need to leave"
"get out"

you ask why
but no answer.
no reason were given.

do you :

a: get the hell out of there.
b: keep asking for the reason.
c: punch em, tell em to fuck off and continue chillin.

what will you do?

happyness

2010-10-09T14:05:00.002+08:00

are you happy?
well, are you?
do you tell yourself that you are happy?
or
do you feel happy?
you feel it?
how do you know you are happy?
do you happy now?
you do?
...
ok.
how about now?
still happy?
are you really happy?
really?
or
do you tell yourself that you are happy?
ok.
how about this?
are you fat?
you do?
u think that you do?
then keep telling yourself that you are not fat.
keep telling yourself that.

-"I'm not fat"-

maybe after awhile, u gonna feel great.
because u believe that you are not fat.
u feel great and somehow, u feel great.
but then after awhile,
the reality kicks in and you realize that you are fat.

how does that make you feel?
still happy?
less happy?
not happy?

well that is happiness.
it's a temporary feelings.
people keep chasing the idea of happiness
as if it is the meaning to the end.

chasing a temporary feelings...
that sound absurd to me.

follow the map.

2010-10-09T13:47:00.004+08:00

i guess i need to keep on walking...and running...

until i reach my destination...the place i suppose to be.

tick tock.

2010-09-30T00:28:00.002+08:00

everything is starting again, for me, i suppose.